fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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