At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
