And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
