Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
