can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
