I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
