What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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