I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she peed on how many people?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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