I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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