it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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