tell your sister to shave her snatch
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
