As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
