Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
