dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
