I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
