He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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