did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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