New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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