Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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