If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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