Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
