god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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