he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Who died my cat blue again?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
