Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it's great music for shaving your balls
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
