She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.