someone threw a dead crab at me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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