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i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
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