Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.

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(513): Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box. http://tfl.nu/uquv

Replies (7) Good night (3315) Bad night (630)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish

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(828): Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish http://tfl.nu/vvox

Replies (13) Good night (4340) Bad night (758)
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(858): View more from California

Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?

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(858): Why do you apologize after every time we have sex? http://tfl.nu/3g2b

Replies (27) Good night (745) Bad night (8327)
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(619): View more from California

I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got

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(619): I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got http://tfl.nu/io78

Replies (20) Good night (1303) Bad night (4119)
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(281): View more from Texas

Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.

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(281): Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up. http://tfl.nu/tbqv

Replies (18) Good night (1224) Bad night (3775)
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(816): View more from Missouri

He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.

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(816): He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner. http://tfl.nu/o8kh

Replies (15) Good night (1131) Bad night (3600)
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(406): View more from Montana

i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.

(1-406): View more from Montana

haha i know

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(406): i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt. (1-406): haha i know http://tfl.nu/vo1w

Replies (21) Good night (7663) Bad night (1172)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.

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(201): The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card. http://tfl.nu/lm1u

Replies (15) Good night (2747) Bad night (803)
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(626): View more from California

He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.

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(626): He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex. http://tfl.nu/kqx4

Replies (7) Good night (3705) Bad night (1252)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy

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(609): Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy http://tfl.nu/d1ob

Replies (7) Good night (1855) Bad night (742)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question

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(570): I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me (1-570): How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question http://tfl.nu/l5jk

Replies (11) Good night (890) Bad night (1600)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.

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(662): Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well. http://tfl.nu/ilv0

Replies (3) Good night (1174) Bad night (579)
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(692): View more from

I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger

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(692): I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger http://tfl.nu/6k76

Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (405)
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(818): View more from California

I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around

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(818): I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around http://tfl.nu/btrv

Replies (4) Good night (474) Bad night (736)
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(802): View more from Vermont

"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..

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(802): "I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked.. http://tfl.nu/jof4

Replies (4) Good night (787) Bad night (398)

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