It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god