What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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