A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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