You're completely useless in the revolution.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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