i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize