Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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