"it" just moved
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
