my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
