I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
