i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
