i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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