Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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