R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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