I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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