Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
