dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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