i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
