I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
