What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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