Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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