Even the bartender felt bad for me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
