Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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