If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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