I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
