How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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