This is not my ceiling
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
