craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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