i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
