Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
