about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
