Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
