Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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