fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
