I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You are the jesus of drinking
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
