Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
