I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
