Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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