I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
