Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
