Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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