If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
