Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
