i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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