We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
