So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
