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i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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