I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
