I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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