omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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