sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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