I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
