I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
