"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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