I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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