How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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